I just witnessed the failure of a collaborative divorce case for the first time. It is disheartening. They will now be going to court with their own lawyer.
Everything Falls Apart
Piles of mud, chain link fence, equipment yet to be assembled, a sharp contrast to where the new and pristine playground I saw today. It was fenced off and under construction for months. I imagine the local children clung to the fence with longing looks, fingers entwined in the chain link, as their parents tried to tug them along. “When’s it going to be done?”
Life Under Construction
When the storm of divorce strikes and everything falls apart, it is […]
Mapping Your Divorce Support Resources
Ending a relationship without a solid emotional divorce support net in place is quite daunting. You will be required to make some of the most important decisions of your life—decisions that impact your future, your family and your finances. When someone close to us dies there are also many decisions to be made, but friends and family tend to gather around to help. So often in divorce we’re left to ourselves even though we need just as much support, maybe more.
If you don’t yet […]
When Your Ex is Non-Compliant
It wasn’t easy, but you made it. Maybe you had an attorney to help you, maybe you didn’t. Some how, some way, the day arrived where…you finally got divorced.
What a day that was…bitter sweet perhaps? Usually is.
Maybe divorce was what you wanted, or needed. Maybe you didn’t want a divorce, but there you were nonetheless. It doesn’t matter now. It’s done. Hopefully, you are moving on to bigger and better times and have no or minimal interaction with your ex.
When you got divorced, […]
The Holidays and Struggling Relationships
I recently heard that two weeks before Christmas is when most relationships break up. At the same time I learned that the 2-week-before Christmas mark also has the highest suicide rate and is the busiest time of year for most therapists. Yes, there is a whole lot going on during the holiday season, but why are they so hard on struggling relationships?
The Holidays Break Struggling Relationships In A Number of Ways
- In our imaginations we hold an image of our ideal holiday. […]
Are you brand new to divorce? Are you wondering where to start?
There are so many things to think about it can be overwhelming. For many of us a divorce is unfamiliar legal territory and we’d like some help making good decisions to get it right.
A lot of people begin by filing divorce papers with the court. In Colorado, USA there is a 90-day waiting period before the judge can enter a Decree so people like to get that clock started. (Check locally to find your area’s […]
Dumped and Feeling Abandoned
In a previous post I mentioned two types of folks who have the most difficulty getting through divorce.
The first type is mothers (and sometimes fathers) facing the empty nest. The second, which is the subject of this article, is folks who did not have the parental guidance and other resources they needed as children to become happy, secure adults and go through a divorce from a child-like, helpless position. Perhaps their caregiver experienced a major life event that took them out of the […]
Energy is a funny thing. When you have it, you don’t think much about it. When you don’t, it seems like a most precious commodity. I haven’t had much of that precious substance lately. Too tired to exercise. I’m taking a lot of naps and avoiding social events that would tax me.
Today, for reasons unknown to me, I woke up energized. Went for a run. Cooked a real breakfast. Started writing. I feel different today, and it feels great. Wish I could bottle […]
As usual, I seek the symbolism or metaphor in such an event. I imagine those of you who are divorcing can relate deeply to being caught in a current that has a life of its own, leaving a wake of destruction. A life rearranged after its passing. Piles of debris to sort through for anything of value, upon which you can place some sentiment to help you feel grounded. A world washed away, and with it some stamina for dreaming of a future reality that makes some sense. For a while you just have to do the sorting, and feel all the emotions that comes with such chaos. After that rite of passage something more tangible begins to take form.
I have such respect for the people I work with. They are right up against it. "It" being, “Should I go, or should I stay?” Or, “I’m on my own, now what?” Or, “How the ‘H’ am I ever going to get through this?” Or, “I am so overwhelmed I have no idea where to begin.” Not willing to give up, not knowing how to go forward, wanting it over NOW. Even with their dreams shattered they move forward. They are my heroes. Are you one of my heroes? I don’t think anything brings us to the core of ourselves—the core of what works and what doesn’t—quite like our relationships. Trying to mesh two lives together as one, or trying to separate two lives without destroying the people involved, takes tremendous skill—skills we weren’t taught in school, and only if we were very fortunate were we taught by example. Most of us flounder while scrambling to figure it out.