Divorce Recovery

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Conquering the Inner Critic

Are You Tired of Your Inner Critic?

Snake and Heart on Green Polygonal Background

Are you aware of your inner critic? You know … that voice in your head that tells you you can’t do anything right. Most of us have an insidious inner critic that sounds like someone from our past: Ma, Pa, teacher, pastor, coach, older sibling. Who does yours sound like? Mine is usually my Dad. For the longest time I didn’t even notice those cutting remarks as a separate voice. It beat me up for years before I recognized it […]

6 Components of Your Emotional Divorce Support System

Mapping Your Divorce Support Resources


Ending a relationship without a solid emotional divorce support net in place is quite daunting. You will be required to make some of the most important decisions of your life—decisions that impact your future, your family and your finances. When someone close to us dies there are also many decisions to be made, but friends and family tend to gather around to help. So often in divorce we’re left to ourselves even though we need just as much support, maybe more.

If you don’t yet have a […]

6 Proven Strategies for Self Care During Divorce

Radical Self Care During Divorce

self care through divorce

How are you feeling after the new year? Is it starting out the way you hoped? If you’re going through a divorce, and January is a prime time for it, you may need some self-care during your divorce. They’re good tips at any time, but especially necessary now.

I just saw a little magazine clip that says “Be sweet to yourself.” One of the things most of us are really bad at, whether we’re divorcing or not, is taking care […]

Feeling Abandoned

Dumped and Feeling Abandoned

In a previous post I mentioned two types of folks who have the most difficulty getting through divorce.

Man fishing

The first type is mothers (and sometimes fathers) facing the empty nest. The second, which is the subject of this article, is folks who did not have the parental guidance and other resources they needed as children to become happy, secure adults and go through a divorce from a child-like, helpless position. Perhaps their caregiver experienced a major life event that took them out of […]

By |October 7th, 2014|Categories: Divorce, Divorce Help, Divorce Recovery, Fear, Grief, Loss, Surviving Divorce|2 Comments

Forgive Yourself

Forgive Yourself

Energy is a funny thing. When you have it, you don’t think much about it. When you don’t, it seems like a most precious commodity. I haven’t had much of that precious substance lately. Too tired to exercise. I’m taking a lot of naps and avoiding social events that would tax me.

Forgive Yourself - Beyond Divorce - Set yourself free!

Today, for reasons unknown to me, I woke up energized. Went for a run. Cooked a real breakfast. Started writing. I feel different today, and it feels great. Wish I could bottle […]

The Flood

As usual, I seek the symbolism or metaphor in such an event. I imagine those of you who are divorcing can relate deeply to being caught in a current that has a life of its own, leaving a wake of destruction. A life rearranged after its passing. Piles of debris to sort through for anything of value, upon which you can place some sentiment to help you feel grounded. A world washed away, and with it some stamina for dreaming of a future reality that makes some sense. For a while you just have to do the sorting, and feel all the emotions that comes with such chaos. After that rite of passage something more tangible begins to take form.

Are We Broken?

I have such respect for the people I work with. They are right up against it. "It" being, “Should I go, or should I stay?” Or, “I’m on my own, now what?” Or, “How the ‘H’ am I ever going to get through this?” Or, “I am so overwhelmed I have no idea where to begin.” Not willing to give up, not knowing how to go forward, wanting it over NOW. Even with their dreams shattered they move forward. They are my heroes. Are you one of my heroes? I don’t think anything brings us to the core of ourselves—the core of what works and what doesn’t—quite like our relationships. Trying to mesh two lives together as one, or trying to separate two lives without destroying the people involved, takes tremendous skill—skills we weren’t taught in school, and only if we were very fortunate were we taught by example. Most of us flounder while scrambling to figure it out.

Lost Dreams—New Identity

The following is an article I started nearly three years ago. I went poking around in old files today, to find something you might resonate with and found it. I had no idea that three years ago I was writing it to myself—today. Holy Hanna how does that happen? To understand how this applies to me, I’ll let you know that I just finished my book… well mostly. Some tweaking still required but for the most part it is done—It took nearly five years. As soon as I sent it off for interior design, my life fell apart. Or more like, my identity fell apart. It was as if I’d poured all of me into that project and once it was off my plate my identity was just… well… gone. Who the heck am I? I didn’t like myself. I didn’t like my work. I didn’t like my life. To understand how this applies to you, I’ll let you know that I see similar things happen to and for those who dream of being out of their marriage, and into something new and better, or at least different. Perhaps it is the end of the dream that causes the letdown. Perhaps you can relate to a lost identity.

Want to Divorce? Wait til January

Divorce is hard at any time. Particularly difficult during the holidays. My former spouse told me he wanted to divorce on Thanksgiving Day and wanted to tell the kids at Christmas when they all came home. I just couldn't do that to them. What a way to ruin Christmas forever for our children. What it meant though is that I carried the emotional load through the holidays of knowing our marriage was ending, and I carried it alone. He didn't care and no one else knew. No one knew why my eyes filled with tears when the grandkids did something cute. I was fully aware it would be the last year for Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Surviving Divorce-Part 2

This is the second part of a three-part article detailing divorce survival tips. After reading the book Deep Survival – Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why, by Lawrence Gonzales I realized that divorce is itself a survival situation. It affects the the brain chemistry is the same ways. It elicits the same reactions. We must use the same approaches to survive. Many traverse divorce and it is not a life or death situation but there are some things inside you that will die on your way to the final divorce decree, usually they are things believe are vital to our well being but really are not. Asking the question, "What is it time for me to let go of?" Will help you learn from your journey. Knowing how to manage your resources will be key to your survival. If I were going to write a similar book about surviving divorce I could call it, Surviving Divorce, Who is Empowered by it, Who is Destroyed by it, and Why. Some folks make it to the other side of divorce happier and healthier. Some don’t. And there are some very specific reasons why. At the end of Gonzales' book he summarizes the survival keys that he discovered as he researched his book. They are so appropriate to divorce that I include them below nearly as he wrote them. Following these principles will not only help you survive divorce, it will help you thrive beyond it. This segment includes tips 5 through 8.