I have learned a lot about what causes love relationships to end. It is always more complicated than a good relationship gone bad. Many relationships begin on an unstable foundation caused by the childhood dynamics each person brings into the union. Anything on top of an already weak foundation becomes a stressor. Children, financial hardship, aging adult parents, sickness, and even day to day routines can be a strain. It’s ok for a while — and then it isn’t.
Getting the Love We Need
It is helpful to understand the behaviors we adopt as little people in order to get the love and nurturing we need to grow. These strategies were vital to our survival when young, but when brought into adult love relationships can cause significant difficulty.
We may be people-pleasers, caretakers or perfectionists. And that’s if we’re lucky. Some of us never grow up and remain angry, pouty little kids always wanting our own way. Summed up in the saying: “Everywhere I go, there I am” these dynamics do not limit themselves to romantic relationships but show up at work and other relationships as well.
Choosing Your Interpretations
Have you ever jumped to a conclusion or misinterpreted a comment spoken to you, only to find out later you were completely wrong? Learn More
The most common cause of divorce
An imbalance of power is the most common cause of a relationship ending. This dynamic is generally referred to as parent-child. Often the partner in the adult role grows weary of being so darn responsible all the time and wants to have a little fun, and the child partner longs for freedom and to experience grownup challenges. Both long for change. The relationship itself longs for such a change. Without knowing how to make those important changes the relationship is destined for doom.
In our Tying Up Loose Ends class we discuss ways you and your spouse’s upbringing influenced your marriage. Sometimes it’s so insidious that we become an entirely different person while we are married. There are reasons for that.
We are destined for adulthood and the sooner we figure out what that looks like the more rewarding our relationships become. We talk a lot about that, too.