Coaching For You – 5 Steps to Rebuild
Most people come to me when the pain of the divorce is too much. Seeking help is a good thing! You will get better faster with the right kinds of support. Up to 2 years faster in fact. Recover and Empowerment Coaching uses the 5 Turning Points of divorce recovery to get through the emotional upheaval and chaos, back to happiness, and truly beyond divorce. There are two distinct phases.
First step: Recovery
1) Honor yourself. Divorce is a tough experience. You must first accept that it is happening, rather than resist it, and make decisions from that place. You don’t have to want it, but you do need to accept it. Honor the choices you’ve made so far. You’ve done the very best you know to do. We will use your strengths to bolster your soft spots. Part of honoring yourself is taking care of you. You may not know what you need, but I do.
2) Calm your emotions and thoughts. Thoughts (the stories we tell ourselves) and emotions like grief, anger, fear, rejection, guilt, loneliness can overwhelm even the strongest of us. Thoughts feed our emotions, even though we may not recognize it.
Learn to change your interpretations and hurtful beliefs. Listen to Inner Nurturer instead of Inner Critic. Discover how to find the calm beneath your circumstances.
3) Learn what went wrong. Learning what went wrong gives your mind something to chew on so you’re not just one big feeling all the time, it also empowers you to choose differently in the future. How did I end up here?”
- One thing that goes wrong is bringing childhood patterns into marriage. “If I take care of you, maybe you will love me.” Or, “If I am perfect, maybe you will love me.” Clients appreciate this information. “That explains a lot.”
- Marriages may end because one or both of you were facing a personal growth step that you either could not or would not make, or that you or your partner want to make alone. To make the shift in a healthy way is vital.
Second step: Empowerment
4) Rediscover yourself and reclaim your power. Divorce (upheaval) is a dismantling process—not just of your relationship and your life, but also of you. The old you goes away. While horribly disconcerting (under statement!) you are presented tasked with, presented with, the opportunity to discover yourself anew. I have hundreds of exercises, assessments, quizzes, explorations to help you with such a discovery. It is high-energy and captivating work. It can also be a little scary. Stepping into the new version of you is a very powerful thing to do.
5). Redesign your life. This step follows on the heels of turning point 4 above. Redesigning your life is an ongoing process. It is fun, illuminating and challenging. And that’s the whole point. A new you will not fit into your old life any more than a butterfly will fit back into its cocoon. Your only choice is to spread your colorful wings and fly. How this goes for you depends on how big you can dream, the courage you have to take on those dreams, and how you manage the fears and blocks that inevitably arise.
The Way of It:
I have been a coach for a long time. I have great compassion for your torn heart and I will hold space for you as you push through to wholeness. I’ve been called “the gentlest tough coach I’ve ever met” and the “combination of a butterfly and a lioness.” It’s true. I have been where you are and I understand the importance of gentleness. I also understand how important it is to not give up on yourself.
Your next step:
Learn how this recovery and empowerment program can make your journey beyond divorce so much easier. Schedule a time to chat, or you can just try me: 303-746-7000.