A Financial Breakup
by guest author, Shell Tain of $ensible Coaching
We’ve all had bad hair days. I actually had a bad hair year. The person who had been doing my hair for several years gave me three bad cuts in a row. I can be patient, but three is over my limit.
It seemed I was getting some kind of message. Perhaps I should listen? What I was doing just wasn’t working. It took me over a year to get this hair thing sorted. So why do I tell you this? Well, it’s both true and a metaphor. What if instead it had been a money thing? What if it was my financial planner instead of my haircut?
There are lots of reasons to change planners, and there are several things that can make that challenging. Let’s explore them:
- You didn’t really pick the planner. You inherited them from your family, spouse, or someone else. You feel stuck.
- The planner isn’t listening to you. I’ve personally experienced this one. They try to sell you something that you’ve explicitly said you don’t want, and they keep at it even after you’ve asked them to stop.
- The planner talks over your head, they are patronizing, condescending or just downright disrespectful.
- You need something that the planner either can’t (isn’t licensed to, for example) or is unwilling to do for you.
There are probably some other reasons I haven’t thought of, but the bottom line really is that you aren’t happy with your planner any more. Now what? Where do you go from here?
There are many facets to changing planners. There is the logistics of finding another planner. It’s a hassle. More interviews, more research to do. Maybe they are tied into products or investments that you want to keep. You might need to find a planner that represents those same products, but how can you know the next one will be better? See how it’s starts to get tangled up?
The Emotional Side
And now we start getting into the emotional side. How will you tell the planner you are leaving? Breaking up is hard enough to do, but breaking up over money? Yikes! It’s either that or put up with someone you don’t really relate to. Maybe you don’t even like them. Maybe you actually expect not to be treated well. Maybe you even believe that you somehow deserve poor treatment because you aren’t more knowledgeable, comfortable or competent with money. All of these emotional pieces are precisely why you NEED to make changes. You deserve the best. There is something big about standing up for your right to be listened to, respected, and honored around your money.
It is not in your best interest to have advice from someone who doesn’t honor you, relate well with you, and around whom you don’t feel comfortable. If you stay in that place with someone who is handling your money, it only serves to reinforce those old tapes in your head about your not being somehow capable or worthy when it comes to money. Phooey on that!
If you need some help getting feisty about this, give me a call. I’m all for it! You can find me at http://www.sensiblecoaching.com/
This is also true of your real estate agent, your divorce financial planner, your mediator or attorney. If you are not be treated with respect, are not listened to, or find you’ve hired someone who is simply incompetent, it is time to make changes there, too. Divorce is complicated enough. You shouldn’t have to micro-manage those you’ve hired to support you.
If you need help finding your words or your courage to rid yourself of an unworkable situation drop me a note. I have many resources.