Are We Broken?

Do you consider yourself to be creative, resourceful and wise? I saw you look behind you. “Who me?” And yet you are—even in the middle of the confusion and ambiguity of your divorce you are not broken. Going through a tough patch, yes. Broken? No. So, if it isn’t brokenness, what is it that keeps you from moving forward and claiming the great things life would give you?

I have such respect for the people I work with. They are right up against it. “It” being, “Should I go, or should I stay?” Or, “I’m on my own, now what?” Or, “How the ‘H’ am I ever going to get through this?” Or, “I am so overwhelmed I have no idea where to begin.” Not willing to give up, not knowing how to go forward, wanting it over NOW. Even with their dreams shattered they move forward. They are my heroes. Are you one of my heroes?

I don’t think anything brings us to the core of ourselves—the core of what works and what doesn’t—quite like our relationships. Trying to mesh two lives together as one, or trying to separate two lives without destroying the people involved, takes tremendous skill—skills we weren’t taught in school, and only if we were very fortunate were we taught by example. Most of us flounder while scrambling to figure it out. Often the patient (the relationship) dies before we can get it the right kind of help. We run from therapist to therapist, as if hospital to hospital, wasting precious time only to find that the patient gave up the ghost on the way. Many people have now traveled that path from ‘we’ to ‘you and me’ and, acting as guides along a treacherous pathway, shout back that there is no easy way, the wagons are overturned, supplies are lost, and there are many injuries.

And yet… and yet… in the miraculous way that life works, the pain, the turmoil, the confusion, can also become a doorway to something greater.

Divorce then becomes a wake up call. “Hello. This is your life. Pick up the receiver and listen.” It’s calling you to wholeness. Divorce will reveal to you the areas of your life that are not working, that cause you suffering. It will reveal the ways you’ve settled for less than you deserve, less than you know you want. Once awake, the creative, resourceful and wise part of you will find and implement the resources you need to get back to wholeness and reclaim your life. Divorce then becomes a catalyst for creating life fresh and new, based on purpose and chosen principles. Your Life by Design.

It is said that the heart that breaks open can contain the whole world. Or as Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the medical doctor who worked with the dying, says: “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” I have found that with the divorcing, also.

So, are we broken?  It’s more like we are broken open. Broken open in a way that allows us to heal our own brokenness and reveal compassion toward others. Broken open in a way that ultimately leads us to the center of who we are – where we are creative, resourceful and wise. As Brene Brown says, “Our capacity for wholeheartedness = our willingness to be brokenhearted.”