I woke up early this morning. 4:00 a.m. seems to be the time for processing. Have you noticed that? Some little zinger will zip across my mind demanding to be dealt with and sleep vanishes. This morning it was a regret I have about my father’s memorial. There were enough smaller conversations going on in the room that we didn’t gather everyone into one place to share stories. I may regret that forever. Not just for me but for my kids and grandkids who will never hear them. So why didn’t I push harder to make it happen?
The Maze of Discovery
When I wake up with this need to figure things out, I did exactly what I advise you guys to do, I wrote in my journal. I’ve been writing for hours. It’s amazing all that is behind one of those zingers and I wouldn’t have had the discoveries I did without taking the time to write it out. I’ve always loved the saying, “How do I know what I think until I see what I’m saying?” Yep. Journaling allowed me to decipher the message.
Asking the question “Why didn’t I push harder to make it happen?” led me through a whole maze of discoveries around how I show up in other areas of my life. I have a root belief, that I discovered just this morning, that I’m a bother. Because I don’t want to bother anyone I just let my needs slide. Can you relate?
If You Think You’re a Bother
Another great example is how I let my needs slide last summer when REI had me hanging (learning rock climbing) on the side of a west facing cliff in 104 degree weather with afternoon July sun bearing down. What? Looking back I realize I needed to assert myself much more forcefully. “Get me out of here!” I was actually in danger and still I didn’t stand up for myself. Why would anyone do that? You do if you think you’re a bother.
I didn’t know that was why of course. Like a fish in water we swim with these unconscious beliefs, sometimes for a lifetime if we don’t figure it out. The pain of these beliefs sent me to personal growth work and spiritual practice decades ago. I’ve healed a lot of stuff but this one ran deep. This belief was also rooted into the endings of two marriages. Hmmm. There’s a pattern here.
You Can Have it Too!
I’m thrilled to have figured this out. I now view myself as a blessing instead of a bother. Everything looks different. I just saw 3 emails that arrived during the night from people telling me what a blessing I am to them. The Universe has confirmed what I just discovered. In a few hours time I shifted my outlook from bother to blessing. I know how I did it. I can help you have that kind of shift, too. I know you want it. Let’s talk. You can set a time right here. Schedule a quick call here. Do it before you talk yourself out of it! 🙂
Wishing you abundant warmth,
P.S. You are a loving, generous human capable of all joy. What would be possible for you if you believed it? Don’t go another minute without knowing who you really are!