Claim Your Value
What do you need in order to claim your value? If you’ve had a tough Ex, or lived with critical parents you might need to make a concerted effort to claim your right to your happiness.
I love it when my clients share with me what divorce has taught them. Below is Sharon’s lesson. She also learned that she must claim her value. She shares about fear. Isn’t fear what stops most of us from doing so many of the things that would be good for us? Fear is the sole culprit when it comes to living large. We are stymied from making important changes: changing jobs, leaving a relationship or starting a new one, fear of setting limits with the crazy people in our lives or even our own schedules, we may fear spending money on things that would be fun and lift our hearts. So let’s check in with Sharon as she inspires us to claim our value.
One Thing I Want You To Know About Divorce…
One thing I learned from divorce is that my biggest enemy is FEAR. Fear of criticism made me try too hard to please an unpleasable mate, fear of abandonment kept me from setting healthy boundaries, and fear of being alone kept me from saying enough is enough. As usually happens in these situations, the jerk finally left me. Then I had fear of others’ negative opinions of me, fear that it was all my fault, and fear that I couldn’t make it on my own. I was paralyzed, unable to move forward in any healthy way. I could not live in the present. I spent every waking moment either dwelling on the mistakes of my past, or anxious about my ruined future.
It has taken me over three years, but I have at last grown able to see my value as an individual, whether my partner sees my value or not. This would not have happened without the patient (and sometimes not so patient!) support and prayers of my children, family, and friends. I have met so many wonderful people whose marriages didn’t work either, and they aren’t hopelessly flawed! So I must be “good people” too! Finally I began to see that my ex’s claims about my flaws were irrational. Finally I learned to replace diminishing thoughts about myself with affirmations about my self worth and strength. I have begun quieting the inner voice that is critical of what I do, and listening instead to my nurturing self that knows my effort and value. Right now, sitting in this chair, typing on this keyboard, I am a lovely and capable person, who will live the next chapter of her life without bowing to fear.