Like most things, when it comes to divorce, there are better and worse ways to go about it. I like to tell people that the best way to have a good life after divorce is to divorce well. Most people need help doing this.
If you’d been able to communicate well during your marriage you likely wouldn’t be divorcing now. Making difficult life-changing decisions while feeling broken and confused is a recipe for disaster. So what do you do? I believe it takes a team to help a couple divorce well. There’s a relatively new way to divorce called Collaborative Divorce. It is worth exploring if you’re facing divorce.
The Collaborative Team
The Collaborative Team consists of two attorneys (an attorney for each of you), a financial professional (FP) and a Collaborative Divorce Facilitator (CDF). I work as a CDF. When you think of the various aspects of your life that are impacted by divorce: legal, financial and emotional/parenting, this Collaborative team has it covered. Not only do you get accurate information and guidance, you get through with less anguish. Your risk of having to revisit issues that were overlooked, is greatly minimized.
One of the most useful parts of the Collaborative Team is the ability to add value. The two of you, alone, will be limited in the options you can generate for several reasons:
- You’re blinded by your own perspectives and emotions
- You’re uninformed about what is “right” in the eyes of the court
- Because it is natural to either give too much away, or demand more than your share.
Magic happens within group process. With your personal insights, and your professional team’s experience, options you’ve never considered come to view. This adds value. Another way value is added is the communication skills you learn along the way. All negotiations are needs-based. This means we don’t just split things down the middle but we divide the assets in a way that the future needs of both you and your soon-to-be-former, are best met. This type of negotiating is invaluable if you will have a future relationship of any kind such as parenting/grand parenting, selling a home, or remain in business together. Knowing your soon-to-be Ex cares about your well-being as well as her/his own has a way of making things work better.
Getting Your Needs Met
Before you hire the meanest lawyer you can find because you’re afraid, I hope you will consider how divorcing collaboratively might make the most sense for truly getting your needs met. A traditional lawsuit simply doesn’t have the power to do that. I have worked as a CDF many times. I’m glad to help you decide the best approach to divorce for you.