Dating After Divorce
Most divorcing people ultimately want to be in a relationship but aren’t sure when is the right time or how to go about it. Dating is tricky for sure. (Dating is somewhat of an outdated term these days but I will use it to identify the process of getting to know another person for romance.)
I’ve seen two kinds of post-divorce daters.
- Those who want to be back in relationship NOW. They haven’t come to grips with being single, don’t want to be single, can’t envision themselves as anything but married or in family life and want that back immediately.
- Those who want to be in relationship again but are cautious to choose better this time.
One thing both groups have in common is that they want their next relationship to be different than their marriage.
If you’ve done the work of completing your divorce, if you’ve let it transform you the way divorce does, be assured that a new relationship will be different. If you’ve changed, you won’t attract the same kind of person. But…if you’re still in the thick of your divorce, or haven’t yet owned your part of the ended relationship, you are in danger of attracting the same kind of partner.
Dating has changed a lot in recent years
It’s kind of a free for all with no set rules like who pays for dinner, when sex is expected, when to introduce children, and many other things. Because there are no rules, the alternative is being yourself. That’s both good news and bad news. It’s good news if you know who you are and have some confidence to put yourself out there. It’s also freeing, but if you’re a people-pleaser or try to be perfect, dating may be a miserable experience. Those default child behaviors don’t work in an adult relationship. If you look closely, you may see that those very behaviors played a part in your ended or ending relationship. Dating is an unsafe place for your tender child heart. Best to grow up first.
Dating is a time to practice being yourself
Creating a Great Singleness is important. The process of creating a great singleness is one way to mature in those areas that need some growing up. Creating a (good) long-term relationship requires that you have your post-divorce life in order. It can be challenging and having a coach is helpful.
The Law of Attraction is real but most people don’t realize they won’t attract what they want, but will instead attract what they are. If you’re still confused, aren’t sure if you want commitment, don’t trust men (or women), that is what you will attract: confused, uncommitted and untrusting people. I’ve seen it happen dozens of times.
Here are a few things you can learn from Date Consciously Coaching:
- Identify your relationship needs, wants and requirements
- Know the importance of being the chooser
- Learn to balance your heart with your head
- Understand the 5 stages of relationship development
- Learn the differences between dating for fun and dating for keeps
Your next step:
Complete this Divorce Assessment below to see how recovered you are in important areas of your life. Once you get this bird’s eye view, give me a call to discuss your next steps to attracting a loving, healthy adult relationship.