Divorce Well. The First Step to a Great Life Beyond Divorce
There are many ways to divorce. Some are kinder than others. Not all will contribute to divorcing well.
When we’re afraid or angry we may want to get the biggest meanest attorney to make our soon to be Ex “behave” and do the right thing. And if your soon-to-be Ex has a big mean lawyer you will need one too to protect yourself. But starting out aggressively never works out quite the way we imagine. It amps up the power struggle with each of you wanting to “arm up” as best you can. The biggest losers are your kids. The winners are the attorneys because it amps up your legal bills, too. You and your spouse are caught somewhere in the middle of all that.
Below are several ways to divorce in the order that I would recommend them if your situation allows, and provided links to more information.
To help you decide the level of professional support you require, consider:
- The complexity of your estate. That is,do you have a lot of assets: retirement accounts, bonuses, properties, own a business together? This takes more than scribbling on a napkin at the kitchen table.
- How well do the two of you talk things out and negotiate agreements?
- The ages of your children
- The balance of financial knowledge between you. Is one more financially savvy than the other?
- The levels of both fear and trust in your relationship
- The number and depth of emotional “sore spots” that trigger one or both of you blocking communication, for instance an affair or financial betrayal or repeated and ignored requests.
Different modes of divorce will serve you differently.
Please check out the following links on this site, which I list in the order I would recommend to a friend. If you are local to Boulder/Denver you might consider attending one of our Free Information Seminars the first Thursday of every month. They are staffed with an attorney, mediator, divorce coach, parenting expert and sometimes a financial expert.
- Talk to Divorce Attorney/professional for free
- Collaborative Divorce
- A Professional Divorce Coach if you’re divorcing on your own (pro se)
- Only with the simplest estates and great communication skills do I recommend divorcing without professional help of some kind (pro se). There’s a lot at stake.
- I do not suggest court or litigation because I don’t believe that is a viable option for most people and cannot recommend it. That said, you will need to choose that option if your Ex goes that way, in order to protect yourself.
Your next step:
You can talk with me at any time. Contact me to schedule. I can help you determine the level of professional support you need to divorce well.