Embrace, Don’t Resist, Your Upheaval

I’ve come through another one. This time I paid more attention: to the process, to what it required of me, to the fears, to the anger… and also to both the expansiveness and the depth that came on its’ heals. I’m talking of course about another upheaval. This time it was about buying a home. After move #42 I thought I could finally settle down and just BE…but ohhh no, Life had other plans.

Going Deep Into the Innards 

Once I got into my home there were parts of it that gave me the creeps, especially the room that was to be my office. Did someone die there? Turns out there was a major water leak in the house’s history. Water ran in the house for two weeks while the owner was away.  In short, the house developed a serious mold problem that no one before me bothered to address. Hmmm. So as my manner is (does this speak to my work in the world or what??) I took on the task of going deep into the innards of the home and getting it fixed. (Above the floors the house is beautiful. Below the floors it’s a mess. Does that sound like us humans or what?)

It took a couple of months to get it all fixed: floors removed, replaced, refinished. Get the bathroom functional again. I slept in a tent in my backyard most of that time. (I grew up in Colorado mountains so camping isn’t a huge deal…except that I’d just paid hundreds of thousands of dollars NOT to.)

My Expectations Made the Upheaval Harder

In looking back, I realize that my expectations (I suppose I could also call it my hope) were the problem. I expected that I would purchase a house, move in, settle down and live happily ever after. I had a vision and a timetable in my head. None of that happened.

I so wanted it to happen the way I envisioned it that I protested everything. “This shouldn’t be.” And yet it was. Resisting my reality was making me miserable. Being overwhelmed and exhausted, I was an emotional wreck. I couldn’t take care of myself the way I usually do. There was so much I thought I needed for my well-being that I was making myself worse by focusing on what I didn’t have.

Rule #1. Embrace what is.  Shoulds and shouldn’ts are killers in an upheaval.

I Am Bad at Embracing What Is

I am very good at living in a future reality in my head. On the one hand it’s a gift, especially when it gives me the ability to ‘see’ what’s next for my clients. On the other hand, not living in the present brings its own stresses. Stress is generated when we are one place but want to be somewhere else. When we’re at work and want to be home. When we’re sleeping on the ground while wanting to sleep in a bed. In a way we try to use our guts to get us to where we want to be. That is stress.

Stress Wiggles In

One of the big things I’ve learned in all this is that I couldn’t get to where I wanted to be until I first embraced where I was.  There was a big disconnect between what was real and what I imagined, and stress wiggled right in there between the two. Once I accepted things as they were something let go. Soooo much tension left my body I was shocked. I felt like a different person. I had been creating huge amounts of stress in my own head! That part I could stop. So I did. Hmmmm.

So would you like to move through the confusion of your upheaval as quickly as possible?   I’ve become an expert at using life’supheavals to uplevel my life to bigger, better, more.  To become the next iteration of my authentic self. It’s a helluv an exciting journey!  Call me.