While writing my Beyond Divorce book, I identified 5 Turning Points in the divorce journey. Although each of person is unique, and each marriage is unique, these 5 turning points are common to everyone.
Each of these Turning Points is unique
Each Turning Point is unique in the way it feels, what it will require of you, and what it will teach you. I think of them like points on a spiral. Spirals are beautifully proportioned, graceful shapes found in nature—in shells, sunflowers, and the spiraling of leaves growing toward the sun.
Spirals represent growth from the inside out—from tight in a bud to full bloom. Your journey will also be from inside out, from a constricted place of pain that holds tightly to itself, to the spaciousness of having your feet spread wide and your arms raised high.
The Five Turning Points:
You are going through a difficult life experience. You need to practice extreme self-care. Own the experience as yours. Honor it. Love yourself through it. You need a champion in your corner and it makes sense that it be you, first and foremost. Honoring your process and taking care of yourself is vital, especially in the initial stages.
This is part of honoring yourself. Your emotions and thoughts are working overtime right now. As your internal messengers, they have a lot to say. You won’t always understand their message. Be empathetic toward them. Embrace them as if they were a hurting child; they are a part of you.
Part of calming your emotions and thoughts, is understanding what you could have done differently. Emotions and intellect are different. Sometimes, when the mind can understand, the emotions don’t have to be quite so loud. There are common reasons that relationships end. Knowing what they are will help you feel more solid, and bring you hope.
The hope you gain from taking care of yourself, calming your emotions and thoughts, and understanding what went wrong, will give you energy to embrace the new possibilities unfolding around you. Discovering yourself anew is an adventure, potent with discoverable desires and passions. Reclaiming your power sets you solidly on the path of creating a new life you love.
It is at this turning point that you will take the new you for a test drive. It’s brand new. Just like driving with a clutch the first few times there will be some starts and stops. You may feel a little foolish but it’s all worth it. It’s the only way. Taking charge of our lives is a big deal. It’s exciting and full of potential. This is where you begin to create a future worth having.