I have learned a lot about what causes love relationships to end. It is always more complicated than a good relationship gone bad. Many relationships begin on an unstable foundation caused by the childhood dynamics each person brings into the union. Anything on top of an already weak foundation becomes a stressor. Children, financial hardship, aging adult parents, sickness, and even day to day routines can be a strain. It’s ok for a while — and then it isn’t.

Getting the Love We Need

It is helpful to understand the behaviors we adopt as little people in order to get the love and nurturing we need to grow. These strategies were vital to our survival when young, but when brought into adult love relationships can cause significant difficulty.

We may be people-pleasers, caretakers or perfectionists. And that’s if we’re lucky. Some of us never grow up and remain angry, pouty little kids always wanting our own way. Summed up in the saying: “Everywhere I go, there I am” these dynamics do not limit themselves to romantic relationships but show up at work and other relationships as well.

“Jeannine started coaching us at a very critical time in our marriage.   We had been spiraling down a negative path for a long time and needed someone else to look at what we were doing and give us tools to change.  Jeannine is a real positive coach, having us look at our differences as a good thing, building a whole new marriage on what we have instead of [make believe] dreams, giving us ‘exercises’ to put in practice and experience what we learned.  When we felt a week of back sliding, she would say, ‘but I see your baby steps and see you moving forward.’  We especially appreciate Jeannine’s insight and God given discernment of her coaching.  We look forward to our weekly meeting with her.”  

The most common cause of divorce

An imbalance of power is the most common cause of a relationship ending. This dynamic is generally referred to as parent-child.  Often the partner in the adult role grows weary of being so darn responsible all the time and wants to have a little fun, and the child partner longs for freedom and to experience grownup challenges. Both long for change. The relationship itself longs for such a change. Without knowing how to make those important changes the relationship is destined for doom.

It is likely that your and your spouse’s upbringing affected your marriage, often in deep ways. You may have become an entirely different person while you were married. A relationship wants balance and we unconsciously adapt our behaviors to create it.

Interestingly, unwinding these dynamics aren’t all that hard with help, but it is another one of those nearly impossible things to do on your own. This is one dynamic that can be changed before it ends your relationship. I urge you to call me and let’s start unraveling it and get you back to hope and happiness.