In approving new comments on my blog this morning I ran across this one from quite some time ago. I’d asked permission to reprint it, but then never did…so here it is. Enjoy! (I added the headings for easier reading. Those were not in the original comment.)
Midlife is the time when you are forced to confront the life you’ve been living. It’s a time where your inner Truth and all the things that you’ve picked up and have been unknowingly carrying around for most of your life and which are weighing you down need to be reckoned with. From your upbringing, to the outdated paradigms that you’ve been using, to all of your flaws to all of the things that you’ve pushed down over the years… It all bubbles up with great force.
I Was Searching for Answers
I was searching for answers well before my then-wife decided to move out. I knew something wasn’t right, that i needed something different, a change it sorts. She moved out, but it was something that in my opinion needed to happen. I just wouldn’t have ever done it—I thought I was supposed to be unhappy in marriage, that you just stuck with it forever. Once the ball was rolling though, I ran with it. My separation & divorce was the largest growth opportunity that I’ve ever had and it hasn’t stopped.
I CAN Do Things I Thought I Couldn’t
I never thought I’d be capable of raising my 4 children without their mom, but as it turns out I can do that. I have my kids the majority of the time. Is it difficult and challenging? YES ABSOLUTELY. It’s also totally worth it. I figured out that I wasn’t in a healthy marriage, that I was attached to the fantasy of what I thought my marriage was, that I didn’t value or respect or take care of myself very much, and that I had contributed to how things were going in ways that I couldn’t even understand. I also had to face my Truths—like how most of my life was based around fear and anxiety, that I didn’t have healthy boundaries nor did I even know what that meant, that I actually had to allow people to help me in life (I really thought that I was a one man show, could do it all, etc), and that I needed to change my life so that my needs and wants were getting met instead of always being sacrificed for everyone else (by my own doing). I also had to understand that it’s okay to simply be – to just breathe – that never occurred to me previously.
My life is so much different now.
My life is so much different now. My home has minimal drama and dramatically less negativity. It’s by no means perfect nor should it be. My kids seem happier in many regards. I’ve started taking care of myself which indirectly enables me to be a better Father to my kids. I’ve started biking and kayaking and treadmilling regularly. I’ve started doing things for myself and accepting and loving the person that I am – and I’m trying to pass all of this healthy well-being on to my kids so that hopefully they won’t need to go thru some of it or are better equipped than I was. My ex wife’s midlife crisis turned into my midlife opportunity – it challenged me to grow up – and I accepted that challenge and have been running with it ever since.
My Decisions Align With My Truth
My life is good now. It’s getting better because I’m making decisions that are in line with my Truth and not seeking anyone’s approval. I’m finally able to be the man that I was supposed to be for years and being a better Father and a better role model for my kids.
I’m still a work in progress, but I’m no longer afraid to be myself. I’m no longer afraid to be honest with myself and others. I’ve learned how to say no and when you say yes. And I’ve got some healthy boundaries and made amazing changes in my life that I would have never thought possible. Not dating yet, haven’t figured that part out- in time I’ll get there. So long as I stick with my Truth and allow it to guide me, I know I’m going to be alright.