Reconciling After Your Divorce. If you’re divorced, or separated and consider yourself divorced, but somehow in the loneliness of it all one of you starts thinking of trying it again,“I miss you. We had a good thing. Maybe we should try again.” In short, you’re wondering about reconciling after divorce.
I’ve known for nearly two decades that I was in turmoil. I’d been in it so long I’d come to think that turmoil is just the way life is. What I didn’t realize is how lost in the weeds I’d been until I recently found myself in a peaceful meadow. Like the noisy refrigerator in the corner of the room, I didn’t really notice the clamoring I have been living with until it turned off. Are you interested in finding yourself, too?
After so long, I’d gotten used […]
Is It Time to Listen To Your Heart?
Have you noticed how quickly life moves these days? Is it just because I’m older, or maybe busier? I’ve heard that life is like a roll of toilet paper (going faster at the end) but I’m a little shocked that it goes this fast. Time to hang on tight cuz things are moving.
In a lot of ways speedy movement is good news. Just like they say about Colorado weather. If you don’t like it this 5 minutes, wait a few and it will be entirely […]
Have You Lost Love?
That’s kind of a silly question isn’t it? If we are older than about one day, we have lost love of some kind. Or at least it feels that way.
If you feel like you’ve lost love, and want it back, this article is for you.
Although I would have pushed back on anyone who tried to tell me this in the past, I have come to know that we cannot lose love. Why?
Love lives in us, not outside us.
Life events, upbringing, along with evidence we’ve gathered to the […]
I just witnessed the failure of a collaborative divorce case for the first time. It is disheartening. They will now be going to court with their own lawyer.
Burden or Blessing?
I woke up early this morning. 4:00 a.m. seems to be the time for processing. Have you noticed that? Some little zinger will zip across my mind demanding to be dealt with and sleep vanishes. This morning it was a regret I have about my father’s memorial. There were enough smaller conversations going on in the room that we didn’t gather everyone into one place to share stories. I may regret that forever. Not just for me but for my kids and grandkids who will never hear […]
Are You Tired of Your Inner Critic?
Are you aware of your inner critic? You know … that voice in your head that tells you you can’t do anything right. Most of us have an insidious inner critic that sounds like someone from our past: Ma, Pa, teacher, pastor, coach, older sibling. Who does yours sound like? Mine is usually my Dad. For the longest time I didn’t even notice those cutting remarks as a separate voice. It beat me up for years before I recognized it WASN’T ME…until that night camping by […]
Mapping Your Divorce Support Resources
Ending a relationship without a solid emotional divorce support net in place is quite daunting. You will be required to make some of the most important decisions of your life—decisions that impact your future, your family and your finances. When someone close to us dies there are also many decisions to be made, but friends and family tend to gather around to help. So often in divorce we’re left to ourselves even though we need just as much support, maybe more.
If you don’t yet […]
Radical Self Care During Divorce
How are you feeling after the new year? Is it starting out the way you hoped? If you’re going through a divorce, and January is a prime time for it, you may need some self-care during your divorce. They’re good tips at any time, but especially necessary now.
I just saw a little magazine clip that says “Be sweet to yourself.” One of the things most of us are really bad at, whether we’re divorcing or not, is taking care […]
Dumped and Feeling Abandoned
In a previous post I mentioned two types of folks who have the most difficulty getting through divorce.
The first type is mothers (and sometimes fathers) facing the empty nest. The second, which is the subject of this article, is folks who did not have the parental guidance and other resources they needed as children to become happy, secure adults and go through a divorce from a child-like, helpless position. Perhaps their caregiver experienced a major life event that took them out of the […]
Energy is a funny thing. When you have it, you don’t think much about it. When you don’t, it seems like a most precious commodity. I haven’t had much of that precious substance lately. Too tired to exercise. I’m taking a lot of naps and avoiding social events that would tax me.
Today, for reasons unknown to me, I woke up energized. Went for a run. Cooked a real breakfast. Started writing. I feel different today, and it feels great. Wish I could bottle […]