I just witnessed the failure of a collaborative divorce case for the first time. It is disheartening. They will now be going to court with their own lawyer.
A Season of Discontent
Discontent is hard to live with. Discontent with life. Discontent with partner. Discontent with work. If you are one who is in such a season, it seems all the world is tugging at you to be a certain way, to keep up the facade of normalcy, to ignore the fire roaring inside you that would cause you to scream and run away to a simpler life, to tend the fire burning inside. You need down time to ponder the changes going on inside you. You simply […]
Relationship Destroying Behaviors: Stonewalling
There are four behaviors so deadly to a relationship, whether romantic, family and friends, or business, that they have been called ‘The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’ by relationship expert, John Gottman, Ph.D.. He names them:
Relationship Destroying Behavior: Defensiveness
There are four behaviors so deadly to a relationship, be it a romantic, familial, or business, that they have been called ‘The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’ by relationship expert, John Gottman, Ph.D. This is the third in a series of articles devoted to understanding the impact of each of these behaviors. I’ve included tips, tools and strategies to help you reduce the impact of the behaviors, which are:
This time we look at Defensiveness:
Relationship Destroying Behaviors: Contempt
There are four behaviors so deadly to a relationship, be it a romantic, familial, or business, that they have been called ‘The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’ by relationship expert, John Gottman, Ph.D.
This article is the second in a series of four articles devoted to understanding the impact of each of these behaviors along with tips for reducing the impact of the behaviors, which are:
This time we look at Contempt:
Humans are powerful. The union of […]
Relationship Destroying Behaviors: Criticism
Most divorcing people I’ve talked with dream of having a good relationship one day. A relationship that is playful, honoring, companionable, intimate, safe, and offers a soft place to land. Perhaps you have that desire, too. But how the heck do get that, especially when the heart has been broken?
Many believe we will have a great relationship when we find the right person. Sure, a well-matched partner is important, but even that doesn’t do us a whole lot of good once we’re in the thick […]
The Holidays and Struggling Relationships
I recently heard that two weeks before Christmas is when most relationships break up. At the same time I learned that the 2-week-before Christmas mark also has the highest suicide rate and is the busiest time of year for most therapists. Yes, there is a whole lot going on during the holiday season, but why are they so hard on struggling relationships?
The Holidays Break Struggling Relationships In A Number of Ways
- In our imaginations we hold an image of our ideal holiday. […]
Coaching Your Structured Separation
I was at a book signing for my Beyond Divorce book recently and a woman came up to me afterward to make a confession.
“I’ve been divorced for 12 years and now I wish I’d never done it. I just needed to grow up, to spread my wings and experience life a little. I realize now I could have done those things while I was married.” She’d never told anyone about her regrets. “It’s my little secret. No one knows.” She’s not the only […]
Waiting too long to address marital problems creates polarized thinking. Relationship Bliss… or Divorce. If I don't love you… I must hate you. If you're not willing to make me happy… you will just make me miserable. All variations on a theme. Teaching divorce class gives me opportunity to see many relationship dynamics that don't work. When they get so polarized it’s hard to bring them back. Not impossible, but far more difficult than addressing issues as they come. I’m surprised how many people ignore relational issues, stuffing feelings away as if they are poison to the relationship. They’re not. They are signals that something wants to change. My former spouse and I spent 30 plus years stuffing things away. There was such a tall pile of stuff under the proverbial rug that we couldn’t even see each other. In the end it was beyond our willingness, and even our ability, to deal with it all. We walked away. But maybe you don’t have to if you don’t want to.
I found an interesting little article that may be of help to those stepping into another, beyond dating, relationship. It provides some ideas as to where to look and questions to ask before joining finances in a new relationship. Find the full article here. An excerpt follows:
“With second marriages the stakes may be higher in terms of the assets and liabilities each partner brings. To quell any tensions before they arise, each should prepare a list of what’s owned and owed. Then start the conversation with the obligations: Determine who will be responsible for what. Will you, for example, […]