Surviving Divorce

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The Secret to Finding Yourself

The Secret to Finding Yourself

I’ve known for nearly two decades that I was in turmoil. I’d been in it so long I’d come to think that turmoil is just the way life is. What I didn’t realize is how lost in the weeds I’d been until I recently found myself in a peaceful meadow. Like the noisy refrigerator in the corner of the room, I didn’t really notice the clamoring I have been living with until it turned off. Are you interested in finding yourself, too?

After so long, I’d gotten used […]

Have You Lost Love?

Blue fractal heart

Have You Lost Love?

That’s kind of a silly question isn’t it? If we are older than about one day, we have lost love of some kind. Or at least it feels that way.

If you feel like you’ve lost love, and want it back, this article is for you.

Although I would have pushed back on anyone who tried to tell me this in the past, I have come to know that we cannot lose love. Why?

Love lives in us, not outside us.

Life events, upbringing, along with evidence we’ve gathered to the […]

Failure of a Collaborative Divorce Case

I just witnessed the failure of a collaborative divorce case for the first time. It is disheartening. They will now be going to court with their own lawyer.

6 Components of Your Emotional Divorce Support System

Mapping Your Divorce Support Resources

divorce support system
Ending a relationship without a solid emotional divorce support net in place is quite daunting. You will be required to make some of the most important decisions of your life—decisions that impact your future, your family and your finances. When someone close to us dies there are also many decisions to be made, but friends and family tend to gather around to help. So often in divorce we’re left to ourselves even though we need just as much support, maybe more.

If you don’t yet […]

What To Do When Your Ex is Non-Compliant With the Divorce Settlement

When Your Ex is Non-Compliant

cartoon parents pulling kid—colorful

It wasn’t easy, but you made it.  Maybe you had an attorney to help you, maybe you didn’t.  Some how, some way, the day arrived where…you finally got divorced.

What a day that was…bitter sweet perhaps? Usually is.

Maybe divorce was what you wanted, or needed.  Maybe you didn’t want a divorce, but there you were nonetheless.  It doesn’t matter now.  It’s done.  Hopefully, you are moving on to bigger and better times and have no or minimal interaction with your ex.

When you got divorced, […]

By | June 16th, 2015|Categories: Divorce, Divorce Help, Surviving Divorce, Uncategorized|0 Comments

6 Proven Strategies for Self Care During Divorce

Radical Self Care During Divorce

self care through divorce

How are you feeling after the new year? Is it starting out the way you hoped? If you’re going through a divorce, and January is a prime time for it, you may need some self-care during your divorce. They’re good tips at any time, but especially necessary now.

I just saw a little magazine clip that says “Be sweet to yourself.” One of the things most of us are really bad at, whether we’re divorcing or not, is taking care […]

Feeling Abandoned

Dumped and Feeling Abandoned

Feeling Abandoned

 

In a previous post I mentioned two types of folks who have the most difficulty getting through divorce.

The first type is mothers (and sometimes fathers) facing the empty nest. The second, which is the subject of this article, is folks who did not have the parental guidance and other resources they needed as children to become happy, secure adults and go through a divorce from a child-like, helpless position. Perhaps their caregiver experienced a major life event that took them out of the […]

By | October 7th, 2014|Categories: Divorce, Divorce Help, Divorce Recovery, Fear, Grief, Loss, Surviving Divorce|2 Comments

The Flood

As usual, I seek the symbolism or metaphor in such an event. I imagine those of you who are divorcing can relate deeply to being caught in a current that has a life of its own, leaving a wake of destruction. A life rearranged after its passing. Piles of debris to sort through for anything of value, upon which you can place some sentiment to help you feel grounded. A world washed away, and with it some stamina for dreaming of a future reality that makes some sense. For a while you just have to do the sorting, and feel all the emotions that comes with such chaos. After that rite of passage something more tangible begins to take form.

Are We Broken?

I have such respect for the people I work with. They are right up against it. "It" being, “Should I go, or should I stay?” Or, “I’m on my own, now what?” Or, “How the ‘H’ am I ever going to get through this?” Or, “I am so overwhelmed I have no idea where to begin.” Not willing to give up, not knowing how to go forward, wanting it over NOW. Even with their dreams shattered they move forward. They are my heroes. Are you one of my heroes? I don’t think anything brings us to the core of ourselves—the core of what works and what doesn’t—quite like our relationships. Trying to mesh two lives together as one, or trying to separate two lives without destroying the people involved, takes tremendous skill—skills we weren’t taught in school, and only if we were very fortunate were we taught by example. Most of us flounder while scrambling to figure it out.

A Financial Breakup

Tax time is just around the corner. I imagine we think more -unhappily- about money at this time of the year than any other. Our relationship with money is similar to other relationships. Who has the power in your relationship? You, or money? Does it come and go as it pleases? Does it come when you call? Are you afraid of it or in command of it? These are all interesting exploratory questions. To celebrate being *beyond* tax day, I've planned a half day workshop called, Your Money Honey. This will be a fun and playful way to explore your 'habitudes' around money. Habitudes are a combination of habits and attitudes and they reveal a whole lot about how we view our relationship with money. Which habitude is dominant? Do you have missing skills? How do you know what they are? I hope you'll join us for this fun and lively event. Guaranteed there will be a lot of laughter and great insights! See the right sidebar for details.... Now for the newsletter..... Breaking up is hard enough to do, but breaking up over money? Yikes! It’s either that or put up with someone you don't really relate to. Maybe you don't even like them. Maybe you actually expect not to be treated well. Maybe you even believe that you somehow deserve poor treatment because you aren't more knowledgeable, comfortable or competent with money. All of these emotional pieces are precisely why you NEED to make changes. You deserve the best. There is something big about standing up for your right to be listened to, respected, and honored around your money.

By | April 2nd, 2013|Categories: Divorce, Divorce Help, Finances, Surviving Divorce|0 Comments