The Collaborative Divorce Facilitator Makes the Difference
Divorce is an emotionally complex process. Most people going through divorce will tell you that it is the most emotionally challenging, difficult, and complicated experience they have ever had. Divorce is hard, but if you can divorce in a collaborative way it will make your life and your future much easier. The Collaborative team can support you to make your decisions about family, finances, friends, and your future without throwing a heap of conflict onto the fire.
The Collaborative Team
Divorce is a legal, financial and emotional process (not necessarily in that order). The Collaborative team is made up of two collaboratively trained attorneys (one for you and one for your partner), a collaboratively trained coach, and a collaboratively trained neutral Financial Specialist, to support the legal, financial and emotional aspects of your divorce.
The Collaborative Divorce team roles:
- Your attorney will advise you on the implications of decisions you might make. Should you keep your home, buy your partner out, or sell it? Do you need a business evaluation? How will maintenance (formerly known as alimony) and child support work?
- The financial professional (FP) will meet with both of you individually to learn about your overall financial picture and how involved each of you are in your day-to-day finances. As things progress, the FP will suggest options and run the numbers to show you the ramifications of different scenarios so you are fully informed before making important decisions. How can you best divide your assets with the least financial impact? What are the tax consequences in each scenario? Which investment will incur a penalty if you withdraw or close the account? How will bonuses and other future payouts affect your agreement?
- As divorce coach, in the Collaborative process I am known as the Collaborative Divorce Facilitator (CDF). I am a neutral presence in the room maintaining the emotional equilibrium in the room, helping you communicate and holding space for your future goals.
You got married because you loved each other, perhaps yours was even a spiritual union. With Collaborative divorce your marriage is not reduced to a lawsuit where litigating attorneys fight on your behalf wracking up fees so they can send their kids to college instead of you sending yours.
As CDF I want to know about your family’s needs, the traditions that are important to your family, the parenting schedule you’ve developed so far, if it is working for you, and what your daily schedules are like. I will check in with how your children are doing and provide both support and education on the best ways to reduce the impact of divorce on your children. If needed I will help you come up with a plan to tell your children, and as your case progresses, I will help you come up with your parenting plan, saving you attorneys fees.
As CDF I also maintain the emotional equilibrium of all involved during meetings. Emotions and overwhelm can show up quickly and we don’t want those to hijack your progress. You and I will design a plan to utilize your strengths and manage your weaknesses through the process. I will help support both of you in the areas your marriage has failed you. If you communication is weak, I will be the bridge between you. If trust is gone, I will support your conversations and reframe your words in a positive way. There are many ways I support the hurts and holes you arrive with.
There are many other things the team does than these that are mentioned but this gives you an idea. If you don’t want the entire team, I can also work with you individually to provide similar support. (Please see the information about Divorce Coach )
Call me to talk about the ways I can help you, or the Collaborative Divorce process in general.