Should You Divorce? A Good Question to Ask.

If you’re unhappy with your relationship…

You are probably dreaming about how things could be different, better. Your day dreaming is letting you know something isn’t right. Maybe leaving will bring relief. Maybe not. How will you know?

  • Do you have to leave your marriage in order to have some peace or think your own thoughts?
  • What if you’re so repulsed at the thought of staying in the marriage that you don’t even want to try?
  • Does your heart/soul want to experience something new but you’re not how to do it while being married?
  • Are you still waiting to have your needs met even after asking a zillion times?

  • Is your relationship just plain painful but there’s still something that has you stay?
  • What would a healing separation look like? Would it be enough?
  • Does your relationship feel too tight?
  • Are you white-knuckling it and pretending to be happy?
  • Can you find peace and stay married?
You need options. But what are they? Click here to learn some questions should you be asking.

  • Have you talked with divorced friends and family to get a true picture of what you will face if you leave?
  • If your marriage could truly improve, would you be willing to stay?
  • Have you talked with a divorce professional who is familiar with the long-range impact of divorcing?
  • If you leave, what would be the impact to children, family, community, and you?
  • If you stayed would you be silent and white-knuckle it or would you speak up about your needs?
  • Can you tolerate the in-between space of not knowing while you sort things out?
  • Do you have a strong support community who will be there for you emotionally and with the tasks of a single life?

Nowadays most everyone knows someone who has gone through a painful divorce and felt its impact. It is worth carefully exploring your decision to divorce. There is a lot at stake.

I can help you get a sense for your needs, including how much space you need and the types of resources that would be most helpful. I will know exactly where you are and what you need. I’ve done this work a long time. Let’s talk.

  • Are you still waiting to have your needs met even after asking a zillion times?
  • Is your relationship just plain painful but there’s still something that has you stay?
  • What would a healing separation look like? Would it be enough?
  • Does your relationship feel too tight?
  • Are you white-knuckling it and pretending to be happy?
  • Can you find peace and stay married?

Time apart will help your nervous system relax and most importantly, you won’t be hurting each other in the same ways again and again.

To make your time apart a truly healing you must set yourself up for success.

  • How much time do you want to spend together?
  • Do you want date nights or be completely separate? Will sex be involved?
  • Who will stay in the house? How will the other be housed?
  • How will you handle kid stuff?
  • Who pays for what and out of which accounts?
  • What happens with vehicles?
  • How often do you want to re-evaluate?
  • Are dating-type relationships allowed?
  • And most importantly, how will you each use the time to grow and change?

If you’re really struggling, even items in the Healing Separation Agreement may be difficult to negotiate on your own. After all, if you were on the same page with those items you might not be struggling to the degree that you are. I can help you design your healing separation by facilitating important discussions between the two of you. Let’s set you up for success right from the start!

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