Too Painful to Stay But Too Good to Leave?
This question is a little different than Should We Divorce? Sometimes we become so frustrated with the current state of our relationship and its lack of movement that we just want to pull our hair out. And yet, even in the frustration, there are enough redeeming qualities to not give up entirely. Maybe you’re good friends. Maybe you have children together. Maybe your community would be overly shocked if you parted ways. There are many reasons.
Redefining Your Relationship
Every relationship has an arc (many arcs over time), a story that has a beginning, a middle and an end. Maybe your current arc is about raising children, running a business, supporting elderly parents, athletic endeavors, political activism, or enjoying a meaningful social life. Relationship stories evolve with age and over time as we move through life. Circumstances can change your story, too. Many lives and marriages have changed with the death of a parent, close friend or child. Or a change through job or health loss. Looking at life differently, and usually with more urgency after such experiences, many make big adjustments to the disappointment of his or her partner. Something in them proclaims, I will not live a meaningless life one more minute. Everything is reassessed.
If your current story completes or changes and you don’t want to or know how to create a new one—together—the relationship ends.
My guess is that you want to figure out what’s next.
I suggest you first participate in a Relationship Assessment. This will tell us what is missing, what you have too much of, spot any destructive behaviors, identify the things you can tweak right now to make it better, even get an idea of how long it might (there are no promises) take and a good place to begin. During the Assessment I will also coach you with the latest relationship research to empower you right from the start.
Relationships Aren’t Served by Therapy
Relationships don’t need therapy. They don’t have a childhood to grow past or fix. They have dynamics that need adjusting. They need reconfiguring. They need education. They need different dynamics and ways of relating. I am a coach, not a therapist. My methods are unconventional—and effective. Some couples have come to me after seeing several therapists. (I think the highest number was after 11 different therapists.) Your work with me will have you feel empowered and confident from the very beginning. We celebrate courage. Learn more about my approach here.
Your next step: