divorce wait

Divorce is hard at any time. Particularly difficult during the holidays. My former spouse told me he wanted to divorce on Thanksgiving Day and wanted to tell the kids at Christmas when they all came home. I just couldn’t do that to them. What a way to ruin Christmas forever for our children. What it meant though is that I carried the emotional load through the holidays of knowing our marriage was ending, and I carried it alone. He didn’t care and no one else knew. No one knew why my eyes filled with tears when the grandkids did something cute. I was fully aware it would be the last year for Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.

That is one really good reason to wait until January to discuss divorce. Besides the emotional aspects there are a few financial reasons to wait until January, also.

  • Waiting until after the holidays allows the family that one last special time together and your partner may be more willing to negotiate if they aren’t so darned mad that you’ve ruined the holidays forever.
  • You may avoid a huge spending explosion on the part of your spouse who, feeling the impending loss, soothes him or herself buy buying outrageous gifts for themselves and perhaps others they want in their corner, like the children.
  • Tax time is just around the corner from the holidays. You will want to have time after year end to gather your financial information. Many bank and investment statements aren’t available until mid-January at the earliest. Gather the information you need without the pressure of a spouse who thinks you are doing something sneaky. You aren’t. You are both entitled to this information, even if you stay together.

Whether you decide to divorce now, or to wait, it is important and sometimes imperative to have emotional support. Being able to talk to others about the anger, grief, and fear will help calm you down until it is the right time to talk to your spouse about an impending ending. If you’ve just found out your marriage is ending, you definitely need emotional support to get through. You likely feel as though you’ve been hit by a truck, and strangely enough, that’s a perfectly normal response.

I have a recovery class coming up in January. If you’re local to Denver, I hope you will attend. People get better. If you’re not local, please call me, I can help you with other options.

Here’s a great article for additional reading.

A note to those who are considering divorce, please give some thought to your timing. For reasons I don’t quite understand many dumpers are notoriously insensitive about when and how they speak, often choosing an important event, holiday, or when their spouse has experienced a major upset like diagnosed with a major illness, financial loss, birthday, or loss of a loved one. I hope you will at least get your soon-to-be Ex over the hump before pulling the plug.