Jeannine was recently interviewed by Dave Taylor, blogger extraordinaire. One of the questions he asked is:
Q: Based on my own personal experience, there are a distressing number of people going through divorces. Why do you think there are so many divorces?
That’s a big question, but I can think of several reasons:
- For the most part, as a culture we’ve moved beyond basic survival needs and onto self-actualization. We’re dreaming bigger and requiring more of our relationships.
- Relationships are hard work and unless you keep up with them the burden of unresolved issues gets so large it topples the marriage.
- Instant gratification. We want what we want right now. We’ve moved away from simple agriculture that helps us understand just how long things take in the real world (as opposed to man’s drive-thru window world). It’s a long time between a sprout and an ear of corn. It takes a while to correct a marriage that’s on a faulty course. We give up too soon.
- We’re blamers. Instead of looking inward and making positive changes in ourselves that will improve the relationship, we blame our partner and expect him or her to make the changes so we don’t have to. That points to how important it is for us to ‘be right’ and ‘look good’, which are killer attitudes in a relationship. Relationships are messy.
- And of course there are the dynamics within marriage that kill it from the inside out. The number one relationship killer is some kind of imbalance of power:parent/child, master/slave, tyrant/victim, over-responsible/under responsible, heel/doormat. The variations are endless but the dynamic is the same. A shift to a balance of power must be made for the relationship to survive long-term, but because these are deep character issues it takes time and a lot of TLC. We rarely have the skills to pull it off. The balance does eventually happen, but it usually destroys the relationship in the process.
Would love to hear from YOU. Why do you think there are so many divorces? Was yours in yet a different category than what I have mentioned above?